Review: I Watched 'The Super Mario Galaxy Movie' in a Vibrating Chair
The best part was the chair.
Earlier today I was browsing the Cinemark app to find a movie to see and I came across movies with so-called "D-BOX" seating. I'd never heard of this before so I dug a little: the app describes D-BOX, in brief, thusly: "Get the best seat in the house with immersive motion. Feel it all in D-BOX." I got a ticket for The Super Mario Galaxy Movie.
Another description on the app reads longer: "D-BOX removes the line between you and the screen, creating a hyper-realistic, immersive experience that pulls you into the story. Your seat moves with the movie, so you can feel power and awe every scene." Yes, to hear Cinemark tell it, D-BOX promises a utopian cinemagoing experience that practically sucks you into the action like Buster Keaton in "Sherlock Jr."
In reality, D-BOX is the marriage of mall massage chairs, movie theater loungers, and the vibration devices used selectively at screenings of William Castle's The Tingler. D-BOX is similar to what has been called 4D cinema, reminiscent of a theme park ride but on the level of basic cinematic consumerism (albeit at something of an upcharge compared to a seat that just sits there).
I hated The Super Mario Galaxy Movie, or at least I hated that the film felt like a valley of wasted opportunities: interesting stylistic and visual flourishes that couldn't distract from a boilerplate script and boring action. But I loved the chair.
The haptic feedback was cued to the film and the resulting vibration (turned up to the max) was almost therapeutic. The whole thing was cheaper than a massage and left me feeling loose and relaxed in the best way. The chair was the best part of the movie, but I'm not sure a good movie would be improved by D-BOX. Best for mediocre actioners and children's animation, but I'm suddenly going to see all of those films.
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie: 1.5 / 5 stars, would not watch again
D-BOX: 4.5 / 5 stars, would go again even without a movie
